Finding the Light

I’m not religious by any means, but the other day when I was driving home, lost in my that-time-of-the-month confusion and despair, I had this incredibly profound thought. It came to me all at once, amidst my own jargon, so forgive me if this makes no sense. This voice punched through and said: the only way through this is through your gifts, and if you want to get closer to God (yourSelf), get closer to your dreams. It brought me to tears. I was that girl in rush hour traffic, sobbing out of pure joy.

I often go back and forth between what my heart calls me to do and being a “normal” person. Then I remembered that things are put in your heart for a reason, and they are put there by the source –the universe, God, the creator, whatever you want to call it– but it wasn’t put there by you. It was gifted to you. And even as I’m writing this I am having the realization that the answer is always within you. The way out really is in. All of these prolific writers and self-help gurus always say that, and I finally get it.

You were already born with everything you could ever need to get through life. The jumps, the hurdles, the heartbreaks, the let-downs and disappointments, the sudden turns — you were given the tools to navigate through them. This includes achieving your wildest dreams. So if you can only tap into the core of who you are, you will get closer to your spirit, your purpose. And, to me, that’s God because that’s who gave it to you.

I know that none of this makes sense, but if you are like me and have seemingly unattainable dreams, know that they were given to you by someone or something that knows that you can achieve it. You were actually created for your purpose. How beautiful is that? I think Rumi says it best: Everyone has been made for a particular work and the desire for that work has been put in every heart. 

I’ve been to multiple psychics and tarot readers. I have my own Angel cards, past-life cards, and a vintage numerology book that I refer to all too frequently. They all say the same thing. They all lead me in the same direction. The last psychic I went to see said this, and even laughed when she said it, “everyone has free will –and you can make your own choices– but there is a clear path laid out for you”. I can’t escape my destiny if I wanted to.

It’s so easy to say “follow your dreams”! But the reality is sometimes it’s scary as fuck. So, I’m going to say this instead: Having dreams bigger than the majority is scary, but you are not crazy for having them. Because you have large goals, it will take a lot of work to get there — keep going. Be kind to yourself on the way there. Pick up new friends along the way who will challenge you, hold you accountable, and support you. If you ever get lost, try to remember what makes you smile, and go there first. It will bring you back to your path. Did I mention being kind to yourself? I’m learning that it is so important, and it feels much better than beating yourself up. Every once in a while, take time to look back on what you’ve accomplished. You might just surprise yourself. Make a plan, and adjust it whenever necessary (nothing in life is permanent). Lastly, just when you think you’ve dreamed all you can dream, dream once more, and even bigger.