All Good Things
Something amazing happened to me today. Something I truly desire – the ability to fully immerse myself into my purpose – is finally within an arm’s reach. When I got the news, my heart swelled and I was flushed with happiness. And just when I cracked a smile, my whole being paused. “Wait. Is this something I should be happy about”, I asked myself. The joy left my heart and I felt a very quiet stillness – a numbness, even – and my inner child was full-on confused. Why did I have this sudden pause of befuddlement? It was almost automatic, this protection of sorts, against… hope. Against happiness.
Somehow, I stopped believing that good things could happen to me. Somewhere along this winding road, with pitstops filled with trials, and detours laced with challenges, I forgot that happiness belonged to me. That it’s something, despite sometimes being buried underneath the bush of hopelessness, that will always be there. An eternal burning ember that is truly never lost, but I’ve definitely forgotten it. And it’s causing me to reflect on my life.
How did I get here? How did I learn that life just “is what it is”? Because what I know to be true is that life is full of magic. Full of opportunities. Full of whatever you want it to be. The truth is that life can be truly expansive and transformative, but through my experiences I’ve started to expect delay after delay followed by disappointment. What’s even worse: I’ve started to accept it. I’ve allowed it to become my reality. And it showed up today to rob me of my happiness.
So I’m going to use this moment as my guide to do some work in my life. There’s a saying: “it’s not happening to you. It’s happening for you”. And while this moment didn’t feel good, it woke me up to what my life has become, and it’s giving me an opportunity to take back control of where I go from here. My life is worth more than an “it is what it is”. It should be a reflection of my heart, and what I have to give.
I deserve fulfillment, joy, and all the good things.
Dreams & Valleys 